Five episodes into the 24th season of Survivor all the players, minus Polo shirt preppy Colton Cumbie the Gay Republican Racist, seem to just be going through the motions. Allow me to explain what has happened on the season to this point. The entire cast arrived on the island and Jeff Probst split them into two tribes an all men tribe, orange Manono, and an all women tribe blue Salani, this of course massively disappointed Colton because he wanted nothing else than to be in a tribe amongst women (for obvious reasons).
During the first days Colton showed his displeasure of being born a male by refusing to help build up his all-male tribe's campground. He pouted, talked about living on his own personal "Colton Island" and spent most of his time lounging around or over at the girls camp helping them set up. Survivor Sabrina decided to go on the hunt for the hidden immunity idol, which she found, but realized that particular idol was meant for the men's team not the women's so she gave it to (at this point he had only just been gay and not added the Republican racist title) Colton. To show his gratitude for Sabrina's act of kindness Colton blessed the women with his presence (much to Sabrina's chagrin) every chance he got.
During the first immunity challenge, which the women lost, survivor Kourtney broke her wrist and was forced to leave the show. On the men's side an alliance of douchebaggery and creatine was formed between Matt, Michael, Jay, and Bill.
On the second episode, Colton creates his "band of misfits" by revealing to Greg or 'Tarzan' (the weirdo plastic surgeon who suffers from nominal aphasia and walks around camp in his birthday suit), Jonas (the Sushi Chef who is more than happy to be anyone's lap dog), Troyzan (who I swear is Coach's stunt double), and Leif (the Phlebotomist who - let's face it is no Tyrion Lannister but does have a little, pun intended, fight in him) that he has the immunity idol.
During the second immunity challenge the women lose again mostly because Kat did not understand the concept of not jumping off a log when you are not suppose to. So you would think she would have to be voted off right? Nope. The farty timeshare rep was given a stay of execution because the tribe felt that having a "bag of rocks" (Nina) on the team was more detrimental to camp than having a twenty-two year old running around who still thinks caca and pee pee jokes are funny.
The third episode is where things begin to take an interesting turn. Colton and his Boxcar Children begin scheming as to who they are going to vote off should they lose the next immunity challenge. Matt is suddenly in everyone's sights because he's a dick and thinks he is ruling the roost. The men end up losing the third immunity challenge and seeing that Colton's alliance had one more vote than the creatine team Jay and Michael decided it was time to defect and voted, their fellow juice-head Matt, off.
Episode four, Colton decides he hates Bill the African-American stand-up frat-bro comic because...well...Colton's a racist and doesn't think being a comedian is a real job. So in an effort to rid himself of Bill's presence Colton convinces the rest of the men's tribe to attend tribal council, even though they won the immunity challenge and it was the women who were suppose to lose a player, and vote Bill off the show. Colton is still no evil genius Courtney no matter how hard he tries.
We are now at episode five and the producers of Survivor finally pulled their heads out of their asses and realized that tribal life is just much more interesting when men and women are on the same tribe. Before any challenges took place this past week host Jeff Probst told the survivors to drop their colored bandanas and pick an egg. At the count of three the contestants were to smash the egg on their body and whatever color paint was spilled on them would be their new tribe.
The new Salani tribe is Jay, Michael, Troyzan, Kat, Chelsea, Kim, and Sabrina. Pretty much the Survivor all-star team or as Colton put it "look at them and look at us...it's like Greek Gods vs peasants".
The new Manono tribe is Colton, Leif (not Tyrion Lannister), Jonas, Greg 'Tarzan', Christina, Monica, and Alicia. Monica is like Maurice Jones-Drew the best player on a horrible team that does all the work. Knowing the high probability of losing every immunity challenge (since they can't even seem to catch food) Colton decides it's time to work his manipulative magic and quickly begins forming relationships that will allow him to stay longer in this game.
Surprise surprise Manono loses the immunity challenge and Colton decides it is Monica's time to go. He recruits the rest of his tribe to vote his way and poof Monica is going home. Even though Colton loves to complain he really should not be, he landed in the perfect situation. He is on a tribe with people who, for the most part, are followers. If the rest of the Manono tribe is laying low trying not to get scammed and playing some kind of strategy game they better do something quick because they are passing the point of no return. Soon Colton will completely own this tribe, even though he may not want to because as he promptly realizes "its exhausting leading a bunch of idiots".
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